


This Much I Know Is True

by LeighKelly



Series: Annie-verse [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: Brittany's POV, F/F, Family, Motherhood, Pregnancy, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:51:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeighKelly/pseuds/LeighKelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Brittany can ask Santana the most important question of their lives, there are two very important things she needs to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Much I Know Is True

**Author's Note:**

> This is written from Brittany's point of view, taking place in the midst of chapter twenty-three of Finding the Way Back, when Brittany and Santana return to Lima.

It was strange for me, being back in Ohio, especially after how abruptly I'd left in the first place. Somehow, after only a few months away, it didn't really feel like home anymore, though, if I were being honest, it hadn't felt like home for me for a  _long_ time, not since the day Santana had left for Louisville, and  _especially_ not after I'd come back from New York the first time, only wanting to be by Santana's side, and knowing I couldn't. Those were dark days for me, not,  _obviously,_ as dark as they'd been for her, but I ached for her then, and not even for my own loss of the love of my life, but for the pain she was undergoing, the pain that I knew (especially after Maribel Lopez had spoken to me) that I could never,  _ever_ take away, the pain I would have taken as my own in a  _second_ if it meant she hurt even an ounce less. But the second return was different for me, the second return was about closure, and more importantly, about new beginnings, the biggest of beginnings, the true beginning of the rest of my life with the girl I'd found my way back to, the girl I loved with every part of my being, and whom I'd gotten a second chance with.

She was in the shower, my Santana, washing a stressful dinner with her father off of herself, and I knew her, I knew her better than I knew myself, and I knew that she'd soak in there awhile, letting the stress and tension melt off her body, trying to feel human again. It was new for her, adjusting to being around people, even her family, while she struggled to maintain her sobriety, and I understood that she needed a little time to herself to process, before she'd seek me out and ask, in her own non-verbal way, for me to hold her, to kiss her, to remind her how much I loved her. So, while I waited, I stood in the kitchen of her parent's house, the house that had once been like a second home to me, a house that I hadn't set foot in for  _years,_ and I leaned against the counter, waiting for a pot of hot water for tea to boil.

"It's strange, Bean." I murmured to my protruding belly, following the motions of a tiny foot with my hand. In the days prior, I'd become more and more certain that the tiny life growing inside of me was a little girl, a thought I hadn't yet shared with Santana, though I knew, given the circumstances, if my hunch were right, it would make things a little easier, though we'd love them no matter what. "I'm still not really sure how your  _abuela_ and  _abuelo_ feel about me. This is the thing, sweetheart, I really want them to trust me, I really want them to accept me into their family, because even though this isn't how we planned it, me, you, and Mamí,  _we_ are going to be a family. I know that for her whole life, she's really struggled with letting them be a part of who she is though, and I so want for them to be a part of this for us, for her mostly, because I know how much she  _wants_ them to be, even though she won't say it out loud, and also for you. I love her, my sweet baby, I know you know that, you're the only person in the world who will  _ever_  be able to say that they  _felt,_ from the inside,the depth of my love for the amazing woman who you'll get to call your mother, the love that has only grown deeper every day that I've been back in her life. It's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Little Bean, I wanted to talk to you about what I want to do, because of that love, about what I want to do about our future."

Pouring my tea, I sat down at the table and sucked in a deep breath. There was no one in the world who knew what I was about to do. Kurt had an inkling maybe, considering I'd had a sort of abstract conversation with him a few days before we'd left for Ohio, but no one knew for sure. In all honesty, it was a conversation that felt important for me to have with my unborn baby,  _our_ unborn baby, before I let anyone else in on my secret.

"I want to marry her, baby love. I want to give her a ring, and ask her to make it official that we'll spend the rest of our lives together. I want to see her in a white dress, and I want to kiss all my promises into her mouth, I want her to know that she's always been my first choice, and she always will be. It's been this long, hard, unexpected road that brought us here,  _all_ of us, because you're such a bigger part of this than you even know, but I want one day of a fairy tale ending for us, even though I know that  _life_  isn't a fairy tale, that the struggles she has, the struggles I'll share with her, to maybe lighten that weight she has to carry, will still continue for years and years, forever even. I don't want to wait to do this though, I don't think I  _need_ to wait, because I'm so sure of this. She's got a really big day coming next week, a day that we'll explain to you when you're grown, and that's the day I want her to become my wife, that's the day I want her to know, more than anything else, the depth of my love and pride for her. I know you're okay with that,  _of course_ you're okay with that, but I just...I don't know, I felt like it was only fair that I told you first-"

"Brittany." Maribel Lopez's soft voice startled me, and I jumped up, knocking tea all over the table cloth.

"Oh. God. Maribel, I'm sorry." I grabbed for paper towels and tried to blot up the mess, my face flaming red in embarrassment. "Ugh. I just made a huge mess."

" _Habichuela,_ sit, sit." She soothed, surprising me with that old nickname. "It's just a cheap tablecloth from Kohls, relax. You're getting yourself worked up for no reason."

"Well after the time I spilled the grape juice on the couch, and, I...I just want to be an adult and not make a mess in your house. I just want to make a good impression." I felt tears running down my face, and I had to stop to catch my breath and press my hand against my stomach when the baby kicked particularly hard.

"Please don't cry." Maribel placed a hand on my arm, and I blinked furiously. "If Santana knows that I've made you cry, she'll lose her mind."

"It wasn't you. Baby hormones, and being back here, and everything, I'm really, really emotional." I continued scrubbing the tablecloth, and my girlfriend's mother gently removed the towels from my hand. "I just don't want you to hate me."

"I think it's high time you and I have a much needed conversation. Especially if what I may have heard you talking about is true." She pulled out the chair across from me and sat down, looking at me expectantly.

"It is true." I spoke, hardly above a whisper. "I was going to talk to you, and to Javier too, before I asked her, but it's the truth. I want to marry her. I love her. I love her so much that I swear sometimes my heart is going to burst just from looking at her. Maribel, I know there are so, so many reasons that you probably don't want me to ask her this. I-I left." I choked out, blinking furiously to try to stave off some of the tears. "It doesn't matter why, or if I thought I was doing the right thing, or what. I left her broken, and no one could pick up the pieces. Then I came back, and I pushed her, and then everything with  _this_  happened." I rubbed slow circles over my belly, a silent apology to the wriggling baby within me, because I loved them, I loved them so entirely, and I never wanted them to  _ever_ think they were a burden or a hindrance, a mistake, despite the circumstances of their conception, but I needed to have a real, honest talk with Santana's mother, and I just hoped my unborn baby couldn't understand. Taking another deep breath, I felt my tears running down my face, wetting the fabric of my shirt. "And I know you probably don't think this is what's best for her, and I understand why you'd think that, I  _do._ But if there's one thing I know I can do, it's love Santana. I can love her so hard, especially when I know she forgets to love herself. I'll spend every day of my life trying to make her happy. I'll fight her battles by her side, I'll hold her when she cries, I'll help her feel safe when she's terrified, I'll make her see how beautiful she is, I'll be there the way I  _always_ should have been. I…I'm not asking for permission, because she's not a  _thing_ to ask you for, she's a person, the best kind of person, but I just…I'm really hoping that if she agrees to marry me, you'll support this."

"Brittany." Maribel took my hand, holding it firmly as I sort of continued to cry, trying to let the baby's internal tumbling calm me. "Sometimes, I think that I know everything there is to know, especially in the worst of situations. For that, I owe you an apology. But you were babies,  _both of you_ were babies when that...when he...when I almost lost my daughter."

"I know." I nodded slowly, understanding. "I don't…it's hard for me to talk about it, almost losing her like that. I've thought about it for the past three and a half years, every single day. Some days, I hated myself, I called myself a coward for not arguing enough with you to stay. Other days, I know the reason I left was because I really, truly believed that she would be better off without me, that she'd fight, she'd live, she'd be okay, without me getting in the way of that by needing her, in my own way. Even now, that we're together, in love again, all of that, I  _still_ haven't figured it out, what the right choice was. All I know was the choice that I made is what got us here today, and I can't go back. Maribel, I love her, I really do. There's never been a time in my life when I haven't."

"I know that.  _Cari_ _ñ_ _a,_ I knew it even before I'd realized it was a romantic kind of love. I see it in your eyes when you look at her, and I know she loves you back just as fiercely. You're starting to bring my daughter back, Brittany, I can see it, I can feel it. But marriage? I'm have my concerns, because it's all very soon."

"I just-"

"May I?" Maribel asked for permission to continue without interruption, and I nodded slowly, rubbing my belly for comfort. "I didn't trust your opinion the last time we had a conversation about Santana, and she couldn't speak to give us one. I believe, truly now, that you know my daughter better than I do, and that if you're planning on asking her to marry you, you've put a great deal of consideration into it?"

"I have." I whispered, nodding slowly. "We're going to be a family, and I know it wasn't easy for  _anyone,_ the way this has happened, and I don't think anyone could possibly even understand how thankful I am that she's doing this with me, and I think most don't even know why she  _would._ But honestly, my decision to ask her to be my wife doesn't have all that much to do with her decision to be the other mother to this baby. It has to do with how much I love her, and how I want her to know that I am committed to her, and only her, for the rest of my life, that I have always, and will always love her most of all. I know that's why she chose to be the mother to this baby, and I want her to know that I'm making that same commitment to her, that commitment to  _forever._  I know that she's angry and hurt and scared almost all of the time, but underneath that is still my Santana, the girl I've loved since I was fourteen years old, no matter how much time we spent apart. I'm seeing her slowly come out again, but even if she never did, even if she stayed lost and scared and angry, I'm still in this with her, for life."

"I'm not doubting you, I promise I'm not. But you're sure?"

"There's never been anything that I've been more sure about. She's it for me. For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness in health, all of it. I want her to be able to look at the ring on her finger every single day, no matter how awful she feels, and  _know_ that I'll only love her harder through it all."

"Okay. If Santana says yes, which I'm sure she will, you have my blessing."

"Really?" My eyes widened, because part of me had really been convinced that maybe the Lopezes wouldn't be okay with it, and then, I'd be so conflicted, because the last thing I'd ever want to do would be to put a rift between my girlfriend and her family again, especially when their relationship was still in the healing phase. "Really, really?"

"There's light in her eyes again, Brittany, light I thought had been stolen from her forever by  _him_. She's come back to Lima willingly. She isn't drinking anymore. She's got her fight back. So yes, really, really." Maribel smiled at me, and I stood to hug her, sobbing openly in her arms. "If it's okay with you though, there's something I'd really like you to have. Something I've kept aside for years, for when it was time for my Santana to get married. Come with me upstairs, quickly, before she gets out of the shower."

It was getting to the point in my pregnancy where I was starting to slow down, though I still had over two months until my due date, but I cradled my protruding belly with one arm and followed Maribel into her bedroom, as quickly as possible. I had a sneaking suspicion about what she'd planned to give to me, a suspicion born of years of Santana rummaging through her mother's jewelry box for earrings and bracelets for nights out, of her whispering things into my ear when we were going out  _together,_ but I could hardly even dare to  _hope_ that Maribel was really going to hand over something so precious to me. When she walked over to her dresser though, encouraging me to sit down on her bed, I had to swallow hard, the magnitude of it all setting in.

"This was my mother's engagement ring." Maribel approached me, holding a worn box in her hand. "I know that Santana never knew her, and I wish so much that she did. Where Javier's mother…said what she said,  _made her choice,_ as she bitterly tells my husband, my mother was different, she was ahead of her time, and I know that she would have been so, so proud of my daughter for who she is, and she would have  _adored_ you, Brittany. I'm not expecting you to give her this when you propose, but I just feel like she should have it, at some point."

"Maribel, I would be honored to propose to Santana with this ring." I popped open the hinge of the box, and felt more tears come to my eyes seeing the simple gold band with the round diamond in the center, and two tiny rubies accenting it. "I think it would really mean a lot to her."

"I hope so. I want her to know, Brittany, how loved she is."

"I know. So do I. Trust me, it's all I've ever wanted." I sighed, and carefully close the ring box again, tucking it deep into my pocket. "Thank you for this."

"You're welcome. You should hide it away, before she comes out and suspects that something is up with you here in my bedroom. When do you plan on asking her?"

"Soon, when we're back home, I think. This weekend's been a lot, emotionally, on both of us, so I'd rather wait."

"I think that's a good idea, Brittany. But Javier and I will begin to get our travel plans together, so we're there for the big day..if what I heard is right, that you hope to marry her on her hundred-days mark?" Maribel asked, and I nodded, my heart leaping at the thought of our families together, watching us say the most important words of our lives, and I hugged my hopefully soon-to-be mother-in-law one last time, before shuffling back down the hall to Santana's old bedroom.

* * *

 

I'd just managed to hide the ring box in the bottom of my purse, and had sat down on the bed, humming  _You Are My Sunshine_ to the baby, preparing to sing real lullabies to them when they were born, when Santana came out of the shower. She had an old robe wrapped around herself, and her hair up in a towel, and like she always did when she wasn't sure whether or not to expect me, she gave the softest, sweetest little smile at my presence. Quickly (or, really, as quickly as I  _could,_ since I had to heft myself up), I stood and found my way into her arms, breathing in the smell of coconuts, of clean, of  _Santana._

"Hi." I murmured into her neck, pressing a gentle kiss to her soft skin, and then pulling back as I felt her shiver, afraid I'd upset her with where I'd kissed.

"No, no. It's okay." She reassured me, hugging me closer. "I just still get surprised when you're so gentle there."

"I always will be, okay? Forever and ever."

"I know you will." She nodded solemnly, and kissed my lips, like she was already understanding the kind of promise I was ready to make to her, even before I'd officially asked her. "Thank you for tonight, for holding my hand and keeping me from losing it, and for…just for everything."

"Thank you too Santana, for yesterday, and for being you." I set her hands on the sides of my belly, hoping she would always understand how much I appreciated all she was, and all she'd done. "I love you. Like, so much, you don't even know."

"I know. I love you too, baby. You look exhausted, are you ready for bed?"

"I'm ready to lay with you for a while, if that's okay."

"That, Britt, is exactly what I need right now. Just you and me, and you,  _mi amor._ _"_ She tapped my belly, giving me goosebumps, the way it still did, each and every time she showed her love towards our unborn child, before taking my hands and squeezing them tightly, then bringing both to her lips, kissing each of my knuckles. "Let's get ready for bed."


End file.
